1. Should our engagement be announced first to my family or to my fiance’s family?

In the old days the news was first announced to the bride’s family. Today, most people try to announce the engagement to each family on the same day. A great idea is to bring them together for lunch or dinner, if they know that an engagement is about to be announced. And it becomes "official".

2. My grandmother would like to give a shower for me, but I’ve been told that close family members do not give showers. Is it true?

Yes, anyone may give a shower except the immediate family. It is not appropriate for mothers, sisters (or half sisters), grandmothers or mother-in-law.

3. Can we include both sets of parents on the wedding invitation? Is this acceptable wedding etiquette?

It is more than acceptable. It is an increasing custom which should be encouraged, specially when both families nowadays share more and more of the expenses.

4. Who sits at the bride’s table? I would like my parents to be there since they are paying for most of the costs, but I have been told that the wedding party sits there?

Your parents and your fiance’s parents should be seated together to share in the happiness of their two children. But if you have one of those long banquet like tables and you have room for both sets of parents you could sit them with the wedding party and you.

5. I can’t have a big reception. My parents are divorced and they don't speak to each other. My mother doesn’t want my dad to attend, so we told them we are doing it our way and we are paying for it. But the truth is that we can’t afford it. Do you have any solutions?

There are different ways you can handle it. You could have two receptions given by each of you parents: one held immediately after the wedding ceremony and attended by your mothers friends and relatives and the other later the same day or after you return from your honeymoon and attended by your dad's friends and relatives.
Another way of addressing your problem is to plan a simple church reception for everyone who comes to the wedding and afterward a smaller dinner for a limited group of family and friends.

6. We come from large families and there are 76 small children that would have to be invited. We don't have the space or the money. Can you say in the invitation: No children please?

Absolutely not. But you could enclose a personal note to those guests who may assume their children are invited and explain that, although you would like to include the children, it simply isn’t possible. And don't back away when you receive some telephone calls from those parents asking you to make an exception.

7. What is the origin of the members of the bridal party?

In the ancient times of warlike tribes when marriage by capture was common, the loyal tribesmen and close friends of the groom (ushers and best man) aided him to invade the enemy territory to capture his bride.

The maid-of-honor and the bridesmaids, as they are known today, can also be traced back through the centuries to Saxon England. The senior among them would attend the bride for a number of days before the wedding. The maid-of-honor was especially responsible for the decorations for the wedding feast and for dressing the bride.

The flower girls and ring-bearers of today are a vestige of the fertility rites practiced by many different peoples. The bride was often accompanied by a little child who was supposed to symbolize a fruitful union.